Political analysis
What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love & Understanding?
- By Chronically Pissed
- January 01, 2007
Allow me to pose a hypothetical:
Imagine that your sister suddenly suffers a psychotic break that renders her suicidal, homicidal and every other kind of friggin’ crazy. Upon consultation with medical professionals, your family comes to the conclusion that the only sensible option is to heavily medicate her, either in a mental health facility or under the constant supervision of family. Hopefully this will lead to a full recovery that will allow your sister to resume a normal life. At the very least, it will prevent her from hurting herself and others.
Let’s turn our attention now to the Middle East. Setting aside, for the moment, the argument I made in the third paragraph of this post (namely, that these people needed about 2800 more years to evolve before we should have let them join in our reindeer games by becoming pathetically dependent on their most abundant natural resource), let me propose a way out of this giant fucking catastrophe wrapped in a nightmare:
CARPET BOMB THE MIDDLE EAST WITH ECSTASY.
I’m not kidding. Relieve them of all their pitiful baggage – their hatred, rage, violence, insecurity, depression, confusion and self-destructive tendencies by launching a full-scale chemical attack. Crop dust those bastards with the purest E we can get our hands on until Shiites are fucking Sunnis and the only Baathists are the ones in the hot tub with some freaky fuckin’ Kurds. And don’t stop with Iraq. Bring enough for Israel and the Palestinians. While you’re at it, give Ahmadinejad an E-nema.
If this sounds crazy, let me refer you back to the hypothetical I proposed. Seriously – think about this hard and try to get around the initial absurdity of the notion. What is the biggest obstacle to peace in the Middle East? It’s their irrational hatred of us and of each other, both of which stem primarily from millennia-old tribal/sectarian squabbles that have mushroomed into epic bloodbaths over land and oil.
And how are we fighting this? With an antagonistic military campaign that has no clear mission and no clear exit strategy. Our futile occupation resembles Helen Keller adjudicating an interminable game of Pictionary. We’re accomplishing nothing, and pissing away billions upon billions of dollars in the process. Is it really so radical to suggest that we might get more flies with honey than with cluster bombs?
Ecstasy has been called an “empathogen,” for it’s remarkable ability to induce otherworldly empathy in the user. (See this post for my own experience with this phenomenon.) Mightn’t forced empathy be a more effective weapon against jihadists than blown-off limbs? Wouldn’t a small number of civilian overdoses amid blossoming peace be preferable to all-out chaos in the blood-soaked desert?
I cannot emphasize this enough: This is NOT a modest proposal. I am not being sarcastic. Psychotropic drugs are a way of life in today’s world. We use them to help all kinds of people with all kinds of problems. Why shouldn’t we try them out as the world’s first weapon of peace, love and understanding?
[If you are unfamiliar with the tune “What’s So Funny ‘Bout Peace, Love & Understanding,” be sure to check out a version by any of these artists: Nick Lowe, Elvis Costello, Keb Mo.]
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I’m all for it! Let’s sedate these sonsofbitches and take thier oil!
In addition, let’s drop thousands of porno dvds on thier asses and really “westernize” them…..
687 days ago by PocketProtecter