Political analysis
HELP! Could I get a Bailout, please?
- By James Fish
- April 09, 2008
I suffer from a crippling medical condition, the Hawaiian disease ‘Lackomoola.’ I’m broke, but with Washington bailing people out, I have a plan to cure my condition.
The fact is, I am a better than average poker player. I like to play. Back in the ‘80s I dealt, played for a living and for a time managed a card room in Nevada. This was before Poker became the “in” game, all over television.
As part of its effort to jump start the economy, I would like the government to guarantee a ten million dollar loan to my company, Thyme incorporated a division of Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Osborn. The company would then finance a trip for me to go to Las Vegas and play in the minimum, five hundred thousand dollar buy-in Hold-em game. It’s the biggest regular game in the world. The competition is tough. The best players in the game are at the table. Texas Dolly, the Kid, the Poker Brat, the Unabomber. I could double or even triple Washington’s investment in a single hand, pay off the loan and have millions to live the life of a wastrel. I also could loose the ten million, but let’s not dwell on negatives.
“There’s a sucker born every minute.” P. T. Barnum
Do you think I can rent a congressman to push this deal through the legislature? Sure! Look at Congress, trying to bail out the housing and home loan industry. They failed their “Darwinian Challenge”. Now Congress is spending money like a drunken sailor. It’s a cinch.
It’s a familiar scenario. Housing prices had been rising and many home owners could refinance, pull out some equity to pay for that Caribbean cruise, new car, or pay off credit cards. The home finance industry realized there was a market and jumped on it like a dog on a bone. As the money rolled in, requirements were lowered to the point where if you were breathing and could sign the documents, you qualified. You might get the ‘breathing’ part waved, but you had to be able to sign. Some lenders offered, “No income, no credit, no equity loans” backed only by thin air. It was a classic bubble and like all bubbles it burst: Poof then panic.
Home owners found their ARM’s twisted as home payments skyrocketed. They were underwater owing more than their devalued property was worth. Repossession was in the air and fear in the heart.
The lending industry is in even worse shape. In a move worthy of J. P. Morgan, the Fed stepped in to save Bear Sterns from becoming a rug in front of the fireplace. A brigade of lobbyists, advocacy groups, and scared homeowners descended upon Congress. Now it’s “Bail Out time. Gets Votes. Spend other people’s Money”
If Congress will fund a bail out such a harebrained scheme as that, my poker party is a cinch.
“Never wise up a chump.” P. T. Barnum
Washington is going to spend billions of dollars to save the housing industry. ‘No Pain, No Gain’ so the now-protected bankers will never feel the cost of their excesses, and learn nothing. Borrowers hope they will be that lucky.
I’ll let you in on the dirty little secret. It’s your money that Congress is using in this fiasco.
-
Rate it!
Let us know what you thought of this article. Your feedback drives the quality of our content. Plus, it’s easy!
Rate this article -
Socialize it!
We greatly appreciate you adding us to your favorite social network.
Spread the word
I loved it!
134 days ago by Frank
I had a drug problem years ago that left me pennyless, homeless, and I lost my wife. Since this is considered a “medical addiction”, I’d think I’d be first in the line for hand out. How about some blow, a hooker, and $50k. I’d be cool with that.
133 days ago by Hippie
Very funny perspective on this topic. I also like the addiction comment. A pound of Herb would really help me fight me future glaucoma!
128 days ago by GerryMc