The Constitutional Matters Project

Leggo my Ego

You’d think the public dredging of Bill Clinton through 24 months of partisan mud might intimidate a man with a penchant for $400 barber visits, wouldn’t you? As clueless as a junior varsity cheerleader’s 5th Long Island Iced Tea.

McCain’s War on Reality

McCain has been telling a story, at least since he wrote it in Flags of our Fathers in 1999, of substituting the names of the Green Bay Packers defensive line for his squadron mates when pressed by Vietnamese interrogators.

Veepstakes

Right now, the Veepstakes is the only game in town. The presidential campaign has entered what can only be described as its dormant hibernation phase. Think of an endlessly looping PBS pledge drive.

Top Twenty Reasons Hillary Clinton Should Stay in the Race

Even though the dogged Hillary Clinton is being encouraged by friend and foe and pundit alike to drop out of the Democratic Presidential Primary, there is a contingent that thinks her best move is to dig in her heels and bite the hand off of anyone who tries to restrain her.

Everybody Knows about Dick Cheney

Everybody knows that Bush isn’t remotely qualified to be at the helm of the world’s superpower. We trusted Cheney to keep Bush from making rash decisions. We were wrong.

POST PENNSYLVANIA PRIMARY PUNDITRY

Order another bag of peanuts, pass the cotton candy and get used to the smell of sawdust, because the circus tour has been extended. Yes, my friends, welcome to the primary that will not die.

POLITICS AREN’T US

Oh sure, I’ve made a halfway decent living mocking and scoffing and taunting our various elected officials, but what most of us fail to appreciate are the necessary complement of specialized growths our beleaguered civil servants are forced to sprout.

What It's All About...

The current election is possibly the most important in US history. Yet, ironically, thanks to the media, few of us in either party have a horse in this race.

God Damn The Right

The right-wing blowhards who are most upset about the scandalous YouTube clips they’ve watched are pretending to be deeply wounded by Wright’s perceived racial divisiveness.

HINTS ON HOW TO COVER THE HISTORIC 08 CANDIDACIES

Since all three candidates have proven to be a bit, shall we say, delicate, a hastily compiled handy reference guide about how to cover the most exciting political sensations of this or indeed, many a generation, is in order.

50 suggestions for John McCain's VP Shortlist

#1 WARREN BUFFET. World’s richest man can’t hurt, in case the campaign needs a loan. Or the country.

HILLARY CLINTON: UNDEAD

Brazenly defying logic, momentum, expectations, poll numbers, gravity, and the old wives’ advice not to venture into the water within an hour of eating, Hillary Clinton unaccountably still lives.

Please, Shut up.

Shut up. Please shut up. No. Really. Shut up. Yes, I’m talking about the two remaining Democratic candidates, who just participated in their 20th debate but it seems more like their 8,000th. It was like listening to golf on the radio in Mandarin.

The Shame Of Hussein

I hate to dignify bigotry with my time, but the smear campaign that is just gearing up against Barack Obama must be dealt with head-on and immediately. Let’s start with the current right-wing narrative, which is attempting to paint Barack and Michelle Obama as unpatriotic, ashamed Americans.

LUMPY & HUCKY

The GOP is down to a man who believes humans and dinosaurs walked the earth together and another who can refute that since he was there.

Not-So Super Tuesday

Disappointment, thy name is Super Tuesday. Maybe the celebrated Day was intimidated trying to live up to its own hype, like the New England Patriots who were perfect for an entire season minus the last 35 seconds.

An Open Letter To The Obamaniacs

If Barack gets the nomination, I will be extraordinarily grateful to the Clintons for roughing him up a bit. If he loses the nomination, I think it will be pretty hard to argue that he could have withstood a brutal general election against a “straight-talking” POW.

Ron Paul: Monkeywrenching the System

For starters, I have become a single-issue voter. The two-front war in Iraq-Afghanistan continues to drag on; and I am thoroughly convinced that no viable Democratic nominee will stop these occupations.

Super Fat Tuesday

This Super Tuesday also holds the distinction of being the most Super of any Tuesday we’ve ever known. You could say it’s the Superest Tuesday, because of everybody vying to be relevant in the partisan picking processes. Our choice for the next resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave has pretty much boiled down to the Woman, the Black Guy, the Mormon and the Prisoner of War.

Traffic Jam on the Highway to Hell

Evil never runs its course. With each success, it grows stronger, more ghastly and, like Dick Cheney, emerges a bit more from the shadows. Never doubt for a minute that these unfeeling creatures are not evil. They are incapable of compassion, of empathy, of mercy.

Democratic Slap Fight

Yes, I’m talking about the most recent televised debate, or more accurately, candidate slap fight, that preceded this weekend’s South Carolina Primary. First Hillary Clinton accused Barack Obama of saying nice things about Ronald Reagan, which is the most heinous sin a Democrat could commit outside of peeing on George Bush if he were on fire.

Balkanizing Ronald Reagan

One has to consider Ronald Reagan lucky he’s in the ground and doesn’t have to watch these poseurs go through their paces or he’d be spinning in his grave like a rotisserie chicken during a power surge. Not to mention being royally pissed off about being buried alive and all.

God Hates Women

Most religions have a creepy fixation with the eradication of women’s vaginas. Mohammad married at least 11 times during his life, and his favorite wife, Ayesha Bibi, was six-years-old when he married her. Sexy.

Hillary Clinton: Shadows Trump Hope

What follows is the real and true story of how Hillary Clinton overcame a double digit same day deficit and won the New Hampshire Primary. We all know what happened, but like the knickers of a Guatemalan nanny bent over a laundry basket in the room just off the kitchen, we pretend not to notice.

IOWA- its winner- tastic!

Obviously, Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee are winners because… well, they won. Ron Paul is a big winner coming in a strong fifth, if there is such a thing, when most experts didn’t even expect him to be able to find Iowa on a map.

Culling the Herd

It is difficult to imagine the staggering number of innocent humans who have perished through war or famine as a direct result of Kissinger’s half-century obsession with, and lust for, genocide.

TOP TEN COMEDIC POLITICAL NEWS STORIES OF 2007

The Top Ten Comedic News Stories of the Year are as different from the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of the Year as Peppermint Mini Marshmallow Froot Loops are from porridge. Jimmy Carter called President Bush the “worst President ever.” And by the very nature of that statement, that would have to include… Jimmy Carter.

The Not So Almighty Dollar

Talk about how the almighty have fallen. The dollar is headed downhill faster than Bode Miller on a set of rocket skis. Think nose dive. Plummetville. Plunge City. Belly Floppo Rama. Recession is such an ugly word. Try walking down a New York City street these days without getting knocked off the sidewalk by a gaggle of foreigners brandishing a circumference of high end shopping bags like a cardboard armada. Can’t be done.

No End In Sight

We cannot “win” the war in Iraq in the sense that George Bush would have you believe we can. There is no victory to be had for America in George Bush’s war. Our new mission – the war we can win – is to salvage our reputation and show the world that we’re better than the fucking dickheads who have been running this country [into the ground] for the last seven years.

Dr. Watson: The Thinking Man's Bigot

Dr. James Watson, the world-renowned scientist who discovered, along with his colleague Francis Crick, the molecular structure of DNA, was recently thrown to the wolves for comments he made regarding race. He said he is “inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa” because “all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours – whereas all the testing says not really.”

Rehab for Conservative Perverts

First he pleads guilty, then he takes it back. Senator Larry Craig wants it both ways, and it’s not the first time. The number of right wing hypocrite pervs is growing every day. It seems there’s one every time you turn around, especially in a stall. It is estimated that there are as many as eleven million right wing hypocrite pervs (RWHPs) in the United States.

De-Privatizing Socialized Health Care

Let me set one thing straight. I don’t want free health care. I’m not looking for a government handout. I simply want to pay into a system that does not let a bunch of rich, white fucks run off with the lions share of whatever I’ve paid to insure my family against financial ruin due to medical expenses.

Al Gore & The Blue Sky Theory

So Al Gore got the Nobel Peace Prize for his incessant blabbing about “global warming.” Big deal. Now the Global Gloomy Gus is going around trying to convince people the sky is blue. He doesn’t call it an opinion. He neglects to cite scientific evidence linking other colors to the sky.

In The Kingdom of Fear

I don’t know if House droid Nancy Pelosi experiences fear; if she sleeps, or even blinks, but her strident insistence that she alone is the Decider on impeachment is a power grab indicating either her ignorance of, or contempt for, the U.S. Constitution. Article II, Section 4 leaves no wiggle room, but is a mandate.

Christianity: GOD’S ONLY PARTY

Last week, a clandestine cadre of controlling conservative Christian captains, (bunch of right wing religious nut jobs is what I’m getting at,) threatened to run from the GOP like ducks from an alligator the size of a Buick if any infidel they don’t anoint is nominated for president. And yes, specific former New York City Mayors were mentioned. Funny you should ask.

Who Wants to be an Imperial Occupier?

What an under appreciated quagmire, this Iraq clusterfuck is. It’s increasingly safe nowadays to say, without any substantial background statistics, that “[insert previous month] has been the most violent month since the war began.”

Free speech ain't free. Oh wait a minute. Yeah, it is.

There’s no whining about who gets to speak at what college. Doesn’t matter out of which holes the free speech is coming from. Whether it’s the biggest little two bit dictator in the world or the personification of Lucifer himself replete with red horns and forked tail and cloven hooves. But let’s leave the Vice President out of this one.

NeoCons & The Interminable Illusion of Indignation

The past month has been saturated with debate and recriminations about the MoveOn.org ad which asked whether General Petraus should, perhaps, be called General Betray Us. Republicans have seized upon this ad as proof that Democrats hate the troops. They’ve feverishly beat this “story” like Jesus Christ in Mel Gibson’s snuff film.

REPUBLICANS GONE WILD 2

If you’re one of the millions still rolling on the floor in amazement at the greed and hypocrisy featured in last year’s surprise hit: “REPUBLICANS GONE WILD,” throw that DVD away because you’re not going to believe the extreme and hilarious action we’ve compiled for you in the brand new “REPUBLICANS GONE WILD 2.”

America's Boogeyman

9/11 really changed everything. Before, the news covered some events of genuine importance. Now, Americans are subjected to a constant deluge of “holy crap”-style terrorism coverage.

An inconvenient Douche

Does Gore deserve the kind of respect he’s been getting from the left, or is he more deserving of the contempt that Michael Moore leveled at Wolf Blitzer?

Ah, Democracy, We Hardly Knew Ye...

My friend Bernie says he’s not only tired of making excuses for Democrats, he’s sick and tired of it. “We believed them when they said they wanted to end the war.

Saying Bye Bye to Rove

Karl Rove, Bush’s brain, quit last week. And no, he hasn’t been replaced, so yes, you could say the cavity remains empty. To put it another way: Voldermort has left the building. Darth Vader took off his helmet.

Something Happened on 9-11

The day began with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer frantically reporting that planes had smashed into Buildings 1 and 2 of the World Trade Center. They stood there, so tall that the smoke billowing from their upper floors could be seen for 20 miles.

Doctors Attempt to Locate George Bush's Head

Dr. Mark Wittenberg, White House Physician, will be performing the procedure on the President. “It is a fairly complicated procedure,” explained the Dr., “at this point we don’t know how far up his ass his head actually is or if we will be able to remove it successfully.”

Scooter Skates

Boss-Man Dick

STRIKE THE ROOT!

Dear Libertarians, Enough Kidding Around

Thanks for Dick Cheney

Those Lazy Iraqis

DARTING SQUIRTERS

PARIS HILTON PAYS FOR GEORGE BUSH’S SINS

Hill Songs

Battle of the Network Stars

You Got to Love Dick

Democracy American Style

Immigration and the American Dream

The small group of immigrants soon began bringing their relatives, friends and neighbors to America. The small stream turned into a torrent. The newcomers demanded they’re right to live as they did in their native land. Multi-culturalism became their motto.

The Center Of Tenet's Book: Lies

When We Forget to Remember...

Can't Touch This

President Rubber vs. Speaker Glue

Douche Bag On a Rampage

Secret Service Grills 14 Year-Old Domestic Terrorist

Surviving at the Pleasure of the President

Americans hang onto the illusion that their freedoms are protected by the US Constitution; yet they emerge from each succeeding crisis with fewer and fewer freedoms. If Americans were willing — or capable — of reading and thinking, they’d know that the war being waged throughout the world began here at home, and the US Constitution and Bill of Rights were its first victims.

As the Wheels Fall Off...

Menace in Seat 36F

Democracy Dreaming

20 Things That Should Happen Before Scooter Libby Is Pardoned

Ann Coulter Isn't Funny And I Think She Might Be Robocop

Someone is a two-time Douche Bag of the Week recipient. And who better to be awarded the honor than someone we all wish was given the shocker using cattle prods or at least a few rusty railroad spikes?*

Fox News: One Step Away From The "Got Your Nose" Game

The Reality of Iraq

Gun Control? How About Crime Control Instead?

The Road to Liberty is paved by the Constitution

CHIMPS IN A ZOO CAGE

Various Middle Finger Waving Moon Man Lite-Brites Terrorize Boston

New Age Of Feminism

Faith Of Our Folly

NO WAY IN -- NO WAY OUT...

Americans who cherish freedom would do well to stop stumbling around in the trees and forests of the illegal immigration debate and see that the Bush administration is well on its way to closing the borders of the entire nation, not only to people trying to get in, but to citizens trying to get out.

Are Our Environmental Issues a Result of our Psychic Clutter?

Troop Surge In Iraq Will Deepen Quagmire

Douche Bag of The Week: Pessimists

Gayness & Equality

What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love & Understanding?

WILL STINKY CUT THE BIG ONE?

The stench of Bush’s lies mingles with, and hovers over the growing mounds of mangled and broken bodies of innocent men, women and children in Iraq and Afghanistan — swirls around coffins laden with American service members sneaked back in-country with no fanfare.

McCain’s Mutiny

Jesus And Mohammed Were Schizophrenics

Iraq Study Group – Calling Thomas Jefferson

I am a Patriot & A LIBERAL

The 10 Most Ridiculous things About the Midterm Elections

Douche Bag of the Week: Joe Lieberman

Irony Is Not Just A River In Egypt

Douche Bag of the Week: 2006 Election Edition

Recognizing the Rights of Non-Voters

Remember, these non-voters represented the majority in the mid-term elections in 1998 and 2002. Are we a Democracy if we fail to heed the desires of the majority of our eligible voters?

10 Steps to Keeping Uncle Naughty Fingers Away From Your Kids

Immigration-Schmigration

STRAIGHT TALK FROM COWBOY COUNTRY

Does God Need The Pledge Of Allegiance?

Liberal Radio Take II: HE'S B-A-A-A-A-C-K...

It was brutal—an unexpected, crippling blow to the midsection, and tens of thousands of late-night Air America Radio listeners reeled from the shock of having Mike Malloy ripped unceremoniously from their midst.

The Madness of King Us

TCMP Obtains Foley/Page Transcript

Should Rumsfeld go?

George Washington Comes Back From The Dead To Check On Us

Bush Gets No Love

There is an old saying that goes, “It is possible to produce nothing but destruction.” Usually it was used to pan such destructive creations as the atomic bomb but it certainly fits the political product being produced in Washington right now too.

FOOL'S GOAL

$315 Billion and Counting...

Freedom vs. Security

Terrorists Need to go Old School

Bush's Flawed Logic

George Bush - The Not So Promise Keeper

Rummey Gets it Ass Backwards

BREAKING NEWS: Daghbad Orphange Tragedy

9.11 Resurrected

Iraq, Saddam & al-Qaida

TITLE MATCH UP OF THE WORLD!!!

The Reason Why I "Lean Left"

I have had the opportunity to talk to many poor people in our own country through my work for progressive political campaigns. They want to know why the people who give organizations like the Sierra Club money don’t care about them. Our impoverished citizens are tired of being ignored. They want wages they can live on and jobs they can be proud of. The opportunities are not there, but they would grab them if they were.

IMPEACHMENT: WHAT IF WE DON'T?

Support Our Unborn Troops

What happens when you burn an American Flag?

America: The Midnight Train to Nowhere

Memories of 9/11: How conservatives are abusing our loss against higher education

Churchill argued that the victims of 9/11 were in no way innocent and that the attacks were committed by heroic avengers seeking retribution for atrocities committed by America elsewhere. Assuredly retribution was on the minds of the terrorists and the United States has committed its share of atrocities across the world, that does not make the events of that day in away redeemable.

The problem I look to address here is not Churchill though. His arguments have gained him wide exposure and notoriety, but certainly not credibility. Rather it is the use of Ward as a symbol of what typifies American higher education by a group called the American Council of Trustees and Alumni in a report entitled “How Many Ward Churchills”.

The Greed Whore$ Cling to Thier God